I'll fight like hell to hide that I've given up

I'm tired. I'm grouchy. I want to go home. I just want to go home, but the home I want doesn't even exist anymore. I want to lie in my hammock on the porch, watch the hummingbirds buzzing in and out of the forest, listen to the chickadees and wrens twittering, and care for nothing but how to coax the cat into the hammock. I want to throw myself on the breast of the forest and feel it embrace me; to smell the leaves and the sweet-sharp sap in the trees; to know the unutterable complexity of nature expressed in such simple pleasures; to wander through the woods and discover a thousand small wonders by the edge of the swamp. The swamp... that they're now building a road through. And the woods around won't even exist, reduced to a mere sound-barrier for what few people chose to stay on the road (that is, those whose houses and pastures weren't being torn down to build the road).

I know that I could find other forests, but none will ever be quite the same as those I knew as a child. Even returning to them in the last couple of years, as I have on occasion when business brought my mother to the old house, I can see the impact the development has had on them. I haven't been there since they started to build the road, though (I'm not even entirely sure they've started). I don't think I want to see it.

But even so, I've spent all summer in the fucking city. I'm tired of it. I want to breathe the summer air and not taste concrete and gasoline and 70,000 people's B.O.

I'm only here for a few more weeks, but right now it seems like an eternity. I guess it doesn't help that I haven't exactly known where I'm moving/living for the past week or so.

( Soundtrack to my Biopic )

Bored and Waiting

( Favourite Songs Meme )

I'm waiting for a phone call.