This is the long-distance call
Jul. 11th, 2007 08:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mhuzzellOn Coping:
Somehow, in June, a monumental mistake was made, and I was given a job as a cook. I've never been much of one for cooking. Oh, I can stir things and chop things and such, but concepts such as 'done', 'enough' and 'season to taste' have always baffled and intimidated me; I generally volunteer to do the washing-up instead. But, much to my surprise, I am handling it okay. Not only that, I am beginning to get more confident with my own cooking at home. A few days ago I made roast vegetables.
The most difficult part of this job, though, is the time-pressure aspect. I can handle one or two orders at a time just fine, but any more than that inspires an overwhelming sense of OMGZ PANIC, and I can feel my heart start to race, and my hands start to shake--and that just makes everything worse. Today, though, there was a big rush, and with a little help from Nicola and Maria it went through without a hitch.
On 'TMI':
The last entry I wrote was 'private'. This is partially because I had planned the title of this entry when I wrote the last one (it fits, damn it; and I am not so much of a nerd...), and it disturbed the continuity. But mostly it's because I don't think anyone particularly wants to hear my musings on the effects of the birth control pill. Which is fair enough. But I really don't like having a 'private' entry on LJ, because it seems to me that it kind of defeats the purpose of putting it online in the first place. I have a paper journal for things that are actually private, but I generally only use it for really important things, not stuff about my body.
And yet 'stuff about my body' is important. It's a big part of my life (obviously), which is why my little complaints often end up on LJ and cause my sister's cries of TMI! TMI! Besides, it's often intermingled with things besides the gory details, and some people might want to read about things like, in this case, my experiences with the Pill--had I heard of these particular side effects, I certainly might not have been so keen to try it. I suppose I could just put stuff behind cuts. But a whole entry? Ah, fuck it. I'll just move it here.
On The Birth-Control Pill:
The Pill made me frigid and gay.
Ahem. I was on anti-depressents for the first two years of menstruation, and never experienced any form of PMS. After going off of them, PMS came regularly in the form of depression (small wonder). After about 3 1/2 years of this, I finally decided to do as I'd planned for ages, and go on BCP to try to alleviate this.
I started 'Ova-something' in late February 2007. Skipped straight to the second pack in an attempt to avoid my period, both for the novelty of it and because I had a date. My period was delayed by a few days, but it did come, though it was pretty light. I got the next period "on time" when I had the break between the packs, though it was only 3 weeks after the start of the last one, which was a bit of a bitch. However, as soon as I started the 'break' between the packs, I got depressed just like with my normal PMS. So I changed brands, to 'Marvelon' (I know, right?), but the same thing happened. I stopped after two packs and am currently having the second period since stopping.
I did not have a lot of physical side effects from taking the Pill. I think I may have gained a little weight, and my breasts may have grown just a little (and for a while I was convinced I was growing a moustache), but my body generally stayed about the same.
The psycho-physical effects, on the other hand, were profound. It happened so creepingly gradually that it took me a couple of months to realise what was happening: I was losing my sex drive. ((I told the doctor this when I went to change brands, and she was like "Oh. Are you using it for birth control?" No, you jerk, but I still want to keep my goddamn sex drive!))
At first it was nice, you know, not being distracted by sexual thoughts when I was trying to do other things. But on another level it was deeply disturbing. And perhaps hurtful to a couple of people who got the sharp end of my sexual confusion. Part of which was that, for some reason, while my sex drive decreased in general, the male-oriented part of it decreased completely, the female-oriented part only mostly. For a little while--as much as I loathe sexality labels--I was about ready to identify as 'lesbian'. But it's now been one full cycle since I stopped taking the little bastards, and a certain conversation woke up a little of the old male-oriented attraction. I hope I can get back to my old self soon. I want to want sex, damn it!
And finally:
I've been listening to a lot of Byrds covers of Bob Dylan songs recently. They are bloody awful: poppy and bland, completely stripped of any soul. I love Gene Clark, but I think he did better when paired with bluegrass-twangy Doug Dillard than the fucking mainstream-hippie butterfly bullshit that was The Byrds.I still love 'Turn, Turn, Turn'.
Somehow, in June, a monumental mistake was made, and I was given a job as a cook. I've never been much of one for cooking. Oh, I can stir things and chop things and such, but concepts such as 'done', 'enough' and 'season to taste' have always baffled and intimidated me; I generally volunteer to do the washing-up instead. But, much to my surprise, I am handling it okay. Not only that, I am beginning to get more confident with my own cooking at home. A few days ago I made roast vegetables.
The most difficult part of this job, though, is the time-pressure aspect. I can handle one or two orders at a time just fine, but any more than that inspires an overwhelming sense of OMGZ PANIC, and I can feel my heart start to race, and my hands start to shake--and that just makes everything worse. Today, though, there was a big rush, and with a little help from Nicola and Maria it went through without a hitch.
On 'TMI':
The last entry I wrote was 'private'. This is partially because I had planned the title of this entry when I wrote the last one (it fits, damn it; and I am not so much of a nerd...), and it disturbed the continuity. But mostly it's because I don't think anyone particularly wants to hear my musings on the effects of the birth control pill. Which is fair enough. But I really don't like having a 'private' entry on LJ, because it seems to me that it kind of defeats the purpose of putting it online in the first place. I have a paper journal for things that are actually private, but I generally only use it for really important things, not stuff about my body.
And yet 'stuff about my body' is important. It's a big part of my life (obviously), which is why my little complaints often end up on LJ and cause my sister's cries of TMI! TMI! Besides, it's often intermingled with things besides the gory details, and some people might want to read about things like, in this case, my experiences with the Pill--had I heard of these particular side effects, I certainly might not have been so keen to try it. I suppose I could just put stuff behind cuts. But a whole entry? Ah, fuck it. I'll just move it here.
On The Birth-Control Pill:
The Pill made me frigid and gay.
Ahem. I was on anti-depressents for the first two years of menstruation, and never experienced any form of PMS. After going off of them, PMS came regularly in the form of depression (small wonder). After about 3 1/2 years of this, I finally decided to do as I'd planned for ages, and go on BCP to try to alleviate this.
I started 'Ova-something' in late February 2007. Skipped straight to the second pack in an attempt to avoid my period, both for the novelty of it and because I had a date. My period was delayed by a few days, but it did come, though it was pretty light. I got the next period "on time" when I had the break between the packs, though it was only 3 weeks after the start of the last one, which was a bit of a bitch. However, as soon as I started the 'break' between the packs, I got depressed just like with my normal PMS. So I changed brands, to 'Marvelon' (I know, right?), but the same thing happened. I stopped after two packs and am currently having the second period since stopping.
I did not have a lot of physical side effects from taking the Pill. I think I may have gained a little weight, and my breasts may have grown just a little (and for a while I was convinced I was growing a moustache), but my body generally stayed about the same.
The psycho-physical effects, on the other hand, were profound. It happened so creepingly gradually that it took me a couple of months to realise what was happening: I was losing my sex drive. ((I told the doctor this when I went to change brands, and she was like "Oh. Are you using it for birth control?" No, you jerk, but I still want to keep my goddamn sex drive!))
At first it was nice, you know, not being distracted by sexual thoughts when I was trying to do other things. But on another level it was deeply disturbing. And perhaps hurtful to a couple of people who got the sharp end of my sexual confusion. Part of which was that, for some reason, while my sex drive decreased in general, the male-oriented part of it decreased completely, the female-oriented part only mostly. For a little while--as much as I loathe sexality labels--I was about ready to identify as 'lesbian'. But it's now been one full cycle since I stopped taking the little bastards, and a certain conversation woke up a little of the old male-oriented attraction. I hope I can get back to my old self soon. I want to want sex, damn it!
And finally:
I've been listening to a lot of Byrds covers of Bob Dylan songs recently. They are bloody awful: poppy and bland, completely stripped of any soul. I love Gene Clark, but I think he did better when paired with bluegrass-twangy Doug Dillard than the fucking mainstream-hippie butterfly bullshit that was The Byrds.
