![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I think I may have just 'come out' on Facebook. I didn't really think about it, but my sister's wall post makes me think perhaps I have. To those of you without Facebook: in a recent spate of online boredom, I started changing around things on my profile. I made my profile picture one of a crab, said I was 'Interested' in 'Women' and 'Men' (the section was previously left blank), and changed my 'Gender' to 'Male'. This last, incidentally, was because:
1. I wanted to see if Facebook would retroactively change all the pronouns in my 'MiniFeed' (it did).
2. The crab is male.
3. I don't really care about gender anyway. I don't see gender, I've moved beyond that. People tell me I'm female, and I believe them because I like 'Pride and Prejudice'. ;-P (I ♥ Stephen Colbert)
Silliness notwithstanding, I really hate the whole concept of "coming out". It rankles on both a personal and an ideological level: I don't think people should assume heterosexuality, therefore I don't think 'coming out' should be necessary. But people do, so it is. (Incidentally, for a super-cute short film on the subject, go to http://www.fresh-films.com/ --> 2006 Films --> Chicago "Ping on the 'Dar")
Another reason I hate the whole concept of 'coming out' is that it more or less forces one to choose one of the available labels. I don't like calling myself bisexual, because to me that implies that I am actively seeking partners of both genders, or something like that. But I'm not. I am attracted to individuals; gender is not even a factor for me. I told that to Russell, who said that that was essentially what bisexuality means, at least to him. But I'm not sure society as a whole sees it that way. We are a very gender-obsessed culture.
I was explaining this to my mother when I was back at her house in January, and she told me--in that very special way of hers, saying exactly what she means to convey without actually saying the words, making it very hard to counter--that this just a 'phase' I'm going through. (Then denied saying any such thing, and reiterating in other words that it's just a phase.)
Later, I realised that in having that discussion (brought about quite randomly from other topics), I had essentially 'come out' to my mother. And had been dismissed. That sort of thing makes me really angry. Males who come out as gay or bi may face revulsion from family members, but how often are they told that their attractions are just a 'phase' that they'll 'grow out of'? Yet this seems to be a fairly common reaction to females.
Anyway, recent Sheroes discussion has me re-thinking my avoidance of sexuality labels. Specifically, this discussion, particularly Zoë's reply to Rahel.
It's also making me question my real reasons for avoiding mentioning my sexuality to people. Is it really my objection to labels and such, or, like so much else in my life, is it motivated by cowardice? And why did I leave the 'Interested In' Facebook box empty for so long? I tell myself it's because of this label-avoidance, but is it really more just to avoid having people ask (and my sister tease)? To avoid awkwardness between myself and straight female friends? And why did I only finally check the little boxes at the same time as saying that I was male, and putting up a picture of a crab? The juxtaposition will make it less likely that people will take that part seriously. And why was I considering f-locking this entry?
1. I wanted to see if Facebook would retroactively change all the pronouns in my 'MiniFeed' (it did).
2. The crab is male.
3. I don't really care about gender anyway. I don't see gender, I've moved beyond that. People tell me I'm female, and I believe them because I like 'Pride and Prejudice'. ;-P (I ♥ Stephen Colbert)
Silliness notwithstanding, I really hate the whole concept of "coming out". It rankles on both a personal and an ideological level: I don't think people should assume heterosexuality, therefore I don't think 'coming out' should be necessary. But people do, so it is. (Incidentally, for a super-cute short film on the subject, go to http://www.fresh-films.com/ --> 2006 Films --> Chicago "Ping on the 'Dar")
Another reason I hate the whole concept of 'coming out' is that it more or less forces one to choose one of the available labels. I don't like calling myself bisexual, because to me that implies that I am actively seeking partners of both genders, or something like that. But I'm not. I am attracted to individuals; gender is not even a factor for me. I told that to Russell, who said that that was essentially what bisexuality means, at least to him. But I'm not sure society as a whole sees it that way. We are a very gender-obsessed culture.
I was explaining this to my mother when I was back at her house in January, and she told me--in that very special way of hers, saying exactly what she means to convey without actually saying the words, making it very hard to counter--that this just a 'phase' I'm going through. (Then denied saying any such thing, and reiterating in other words that it's just a phase.)
Later, I realised that in having that discussion (brought about quite randomly from other topics), I had essentially 'come out' to my mother. And had been dismissed. That sort of thing makes me really angry. Males who come out as gay or bi may face revulsion from family members, but how often are they told that their attractions are just a 'phase' that they'll 'grow out of'? Yet this seems to be a fairly common reaction to females.
Anyway, recent Sheroes discussion has me re-thinking my avoidance of sexuality labels. Specifically, this discussion, particularly Zoë's reply to Rahel.
It's also making me question my real reasons for avoiding mentioning my sexuality to people. Is it really my objection to labels and such, or, like so much else in my life, is it motivated by cowardice? And why did I leave the 'Interested In' Facebook box empty for so long? I tell myself it's because of this label-avoidance, but is it really more just to avoid having people ask (and my sister tease)? To avoid awkwardness between myself and straight female friends? And why did I only finally check the little boxes at the same time as saying that I was male, and putting up a picture of a crab? The juxtaposition will make it less likely that people will take that part seriously. And why was I considering f-locking this entry?
